Posts Tagged ‘Gospel’

Feb
26
2013

5 Reasons We Don’t Share Our Faith

Let’s face it. As Christians, we all know we are supposed to share our faith. Most of us have heard countless sermons on the importance of evangelizing. But . . . most of us don’t take the time to do it. Or we do, but not nearly as much as we should. So what’s the problem? Why don’t Christians share the good news of the gospel message?

Looking at my own life, my own disobedience in this area, I’ve found five reasons we aren’t more vocal about telling others what we ourselves believe:

1) We don’t share our faith because we don’t realize we have a mission. The command to follow Christ as a disciple, as an ambassador, as a proclaimer of the good news is just that . . . a command. And yet if we were honest, most of the time we treat our mission in this world as something that is optional. We look at the calling of a Christian, to die to ourselves, to take up the cross, as something we should do, if we have time. We don’t take our mission seriously. Or we think that perhaps this mission was given only to a select few specialists, such as the pastor or the missionary. This is why the world hardly notices a difference between God’s people and the rest of the world. We are so preoccupied with our own well-being, our own survival or success, that we blow off the mission of God.

2) We don’t share our faith because we misunderstand our mission. Even if we want to obey the sending mission of God, we often fail because we misunderstand the mission. Let me explain. I think much of the fear that keeps Christians from sharing the good news of the gospel with their friends and neighbors and coworkers stems from a confusion of two things: method and message. Sometimes we confuse the method with the message. So to evangelize means to dump the entire book of Romans on an unsuspecting mall clerk or it means reciting a memorized spiel of the steps to salvation. But while methods are good–they change with the audience. Paul knew this and so he didn’t necessarily try out the same method on every people group. When we do this, when we put so much confidence in a few Christianese phrases and memorized, out-of-context verses, we end up sounding like a salesman for something we don’t really want to sell. I think much of the fear would go away if we, instead, relied on the Holy Spirit to guide us in each interaction, if we resisted impatience, and worked to build long-term relationships that can one day lead to conversion. What if we were so in love with the gospel message, if we never lost our awe and wonder, if we made it a lifetime study? Perhaps that passion would so fill our souls that it would leak out into every single sphere of life and thus . . . the good news would be less of a canned pitch and more of a lifestyle. The gospel is good news, after all.

3) We don’t share our faith because we misunderstand the Holy Spirit’s mission. Many evangelistic methods, while good and helpful and fruitful, put an emphasis on “closing the deal.” We mistakenly think that it is the cleverness of our methods that turns a soul from death to life. But it is the Holy Spirit who does the work of regeneration in a heart, it is God who saves people, not mere men. Our job is to articulate, to share, to proclaim and then we must trust the Spirit to do the work we cannot do. I want to be careful here, because part of our mission is to persuade  to exhort, to call people to repentance and faith. Yet it is God who saves, always. Every time. Releasing ourselves from the pressure to “close the deal” and “make the sale” allows us to be faithful. It releases us from the humanistic thinking that wrongly puts confidence in a method. It often takes several contacts in a person’s life before the Spirit helps them understand the message of the Gospel. Sometimes you may be the person present when someone trusts Christ and in doing so, you see the harvest of many years of careful work by others. And at times it may be that your first conversation with an unbeliever is just the mustard seed that the Spirit implants in their heart, a seed that others will water and see brought to full flower.

4) We don’t share our faith because we misunderstand what it means to be a friend of the world. There is a certain tension in Scripture. On the one hand we are called to be different from the world. We are called to live above the world. We are citizens of another kingdom. Christians should live and think and act differently than nonChristians. And yet, we are called to go into the world and make disciples of Jesus. We are to bring the gospel to the farthest reaches of the planet. Sometimes we put such an emphasis on our difference that we intentionally avoid unbelievers. But while we are called to live differently, we are also called to live among the lost of the world. If we are really on mission in our communities, if our commission from the Lord is to spread the fame of his name among all peoples, we need to start making intentional connections. It’s hard to share Christ with people we don’t actually know. It’s hard to love people from a distance. As our culture becomes more and more post-Christian, it will become even more important for Christians to develop intentional relationships with unbelievers. It’s pretty difficult to obey the Great Commission if we are never actually exposed to people who don’t know Jesus.

5) We don’t share our faith because we are ashamed of our identity. Christians should be wise to articulate the gospel in the way that most suits their audience. But even if we perfectly “get out of the way” of the gospel, there is a point where the cross of Christ becomes a point of conflict. Some will embrace the message of salvation and others will reject it. And sometimes our refusal to evangelize is tied to our desire to be liked by the people who may not like Jesus. We don’t want to be social martyrs. We don’t want to be uncool. We don’t want to lose friendships and alienate important people. So we stay silent. But the call of the gospel is the call to come and die, the call to give up our prestige, our desire to be affirmed by the world. We shouldn’t be obnoxious jerks. We should be kind, loving, gracious, giving, generous. But we can sometimes do all these things and still be considered a backwards bigot, simply for loving Jesus. It’s a question of what we value. Do we value the limitless grace of the gospel that brought us from the enslavement of sin to the arms of the Father or do we value our own fleeting approval by world system? The way to get motivated to share the good news is not by guilt or manipulation, but by plunging once again into the heart of the very gospel itself.

Dec
18
2012

5 Things I’ve Learned in Ten Years of Marriage

Last month, on November 22nd, Angela and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m not an expert on marriage and by some standards I’m still a rookie. But I have learned a few things in these ten wonderful years. Here they are, in no certain order:

1) I’m not naturally a good husband. Before I tied the knot, I was convinced I’d be a great husband. Some lucky girl would be praising the Lord daily that she nabbed me. How wrong I was, really. Rather, I was the blessed one, having snared a women as patient and loving as my wife Angela. What I’ve learned is that I am not naturally a good husband. I have to really, really work at it. Naturally I’m selfish, proud, and tend to see things only my way. To be a good husband I must do two things: I must work at loving my wife intentionally and I must rely on the Spirit of God to change my heart. If you’re not yet married, you won’t realize this until you do get married. And then this reality will hit you in waves.

2) It really isn’t good for men to be alone. Those words uttered by the Triune God in the Garden of Eden are actually true. Nothing changes a man quite like being married to a good, godly woman. I can say that for myself. When you commit to being and staying married for the long haul, you are committing to a relationship that will refine you as a man. It will shave off your worst instincts. It will domesticate you in a good way. It will mature you. Today I am dependent in many ways on my wife. Not simply for what she does for me, but the companionship, the togetherness. I don’t like it when she is out of town or away. I feel like half of my life is missing. God designed life to be this way.

3) Love grows deeper over time. There is a richness to long-lasting marital love that is hard to describe in words. When you are married, you go through tremendous highs and lows as a couple. You will endure crushing defeats. You will enjoy soaring heights. You will suffer pain together. And you will laugh together. All of these times only add muscle to your love, they build your relationship. If you are willing to hang in there and suffer and laugh and cry and forgive and repent together, you will, at the end, find a love that is far richer than the plastic, Hollywood, fake infatuation you think you desire.

4) The gospel is the indispensable key to your marriage. And when I say “gospel” I don’t simply mean, “Make sure you marry someone who shares your faith.” Yes, yes, and amen to that one. But it’s more than that. Marriage requires that each of you believe the gospel so deeply that you live it out. It means the husband is willing to die literally and figuratively for his wife. It means there is a oneness that is a small picture of the intimacy shared by the Trinity. It means you dig deep on forgiveness, extending grace to the one whose wounds can hurt you the most. And you quickly repent when it is you who is doing the wounding. It means you don’t projet some kind of impossible standard on your spouse, but accept him or her as a sinner being slowly sanctified by God’s grace. It means you, like Jesus, love your spouse at his or her worst because you will want him or her to love you at your worst. Believing the gospel means you don’t see your marriage as a happiness vehicle for your pleasure, but as a witness of the grand narrative of the Bible to a watching world.

5) Every day you spend with your spouse is a day for which you should praise God. If you are a husband, realize that your wife is a gift from God. If you are a wife, realize that your husband is a gift from God. Somedays it doesn’t seem like your spouse is a gift.  And some days you are not so much a gift to her. But the longer you are married, for as many years as you are gifted together, you will thank God for bringing her to you. I think this way often, when I see the way my wife enriches my life, cares for our children, and does so many things in the community. I’m grateful for God giving her to me. And if you are married, you too should be this grateful for the one to whom you are united by God.

Dec
15
2012

A God For Every Part of this Tragedy

Thus says the LORD:
“A voice is heard in Ramah,
lamentation and bitter weeping.
Rachel is weeping for her children;
she refuses to be comforted for her children,
because they are no more.”
(Jeremiah 31:15 ESV)

As a father of four young children, it was hard for me to process the horrific news of the Sandy Hook massacre. How could anyone gun down defenseless children? This is a tragedy that defies easy answers, even for those of us who put our hope in Christ. We should resist simple solutions and trite phrases that may contain truth, but end up providing no comfort. In this dark hour, we don’t want to be Job’s friends.

When evil unveils its ugly face, we must turn to God and bare our souls. Each part of this tragedy finds a God standing ready to hear the cries of the grieving.

“What would possess a man to do this?” To this question, we might point to mental instability, revenge, or some combination of factors. But ultimately, we know that it is evil itself that possesses humans do commit atrocities like this. It is the work of Satan, the author of evil, who has possessed men from the beginning of time to stage acts of gross violence. (John 8:44).

“What kind of world are we living in?” We are living in a broken world. When sin entered the world at the Fall, it did violence to God’s original creation. The Fall crushed man’s soul, bringing in death and the lust for death. Grieving people reach for all kinds of solutions: tighter gun laws, character training in schools, Ten Commandments in classrooms. Those may be good solutions, but ultimately, the roots of this tragedy go back to a Garden and a rotten piece of fruit. (Romans 5:12)

“I’m angry.” And you should be. We all should be. The Christian should mimic the visible anger felt by Jesus when he witnessed the death of his friend Lazarus (John 11). Death is not good. Death is the work of the enemy. Death is the enemy, the last enemy, Jesus came to defeat (1 Corinthians 15:26). Every life was created in God’s image and death, especially death at a young age, robs man of their full God-given potential. It’s not just okay to be angry at this sin, it’s the proper response of those who hate evil as God hates it.

“Where is God in This?” God sometimes seems hidden in despair (Job 23:8).And yet we are told that Christ weeps at death (John 11:35). That he knows our every tear (Psalm 56:8). We know we have a God is not immune to our pain and our struggle, but as Christ endured and suffered the very worst of life (Hebrews 4:15). We know that God is “close to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

“Why Would God Allow This?” This is a fair question to ask. And the answer is: we don’t know. We won’t ever know. We can’t know the ways of God. And yet we are invited to ask Him that question, in anger, in fear, in sadness. The Psalmist often asked this very thing of God. Job was candid in His querying of the Heavenly Father. The Bible essentially says that we may never know why God allows what He allows (Isaiah 55:9).

“We need justice.” Every murder we see or hear about prompts something deep within our soul: a demand for justice. With a tragedy like Sandy Hook, that feeling is multiplied a thousand-fold. We want to see something done to the person responsible. This longing for justice reflects the heart of God who is a God of justice. Every heinous act of violence is an act against a holy God. A God who won’t let crimes go unpunished, whether big or small. And yet true justice can’t really be served in our courts. There must be a bigger payday. In one sense that day already came, when God poured out his righteous wrath against evil on His own son. This is why God could not look at his Son, why Jesus was forsaken on the cross. Jesus became the face of all evil. He bore this so sinners like you can me might find peace with God. Those who accept this find peace. Those who reject it will face the wrath of God one day. For perpetrators of these heinous crimes, there is a payday coming that will be swift and severe (Romans 2:5).

“Will the violence ever end?” Year after year, it seems we see more and more violence and bloodshed. We can put more cops on the streets and tighten our laws and affirm moral values. And yet it seems that violence continues, even in seemingly safe American towns like Newport, Connecticut. Will it ever end? The answer is yes. Satan, evil, violence does not have the last word. We are told that the last enemy, death, will be defeated (1 Corinthians 15:26). In a sense, it was defeated at the cross, where Christ conquered sin and death and rose victoriously in resurrection. There is coming a day when the King, Jesus, will fully consumate His kingdom, when the beauty and perfection of creation will be restored. When sin will be no more. When all tears will be wiped away and there will be no more death (Rev 21-22).

“What can we do to stop this?” Again, some pin the blame on lax gun laws. Others pin the blame on the lack of the Bible in the schools and a country’s embrace of liberal values. Others will call for increased mental health screening and assistance. All of these are good measures. But ultimately, we are powerless against evil, because we as fallen creatures are poisoned by this very evil. Though we should do all we can to prevent such senseless acts of brutality, we are limited as humans in our ability to combat violence. The only hope is in the baby who arrived on Christmas Day, into a world of violence and bloodshed (Matthew 2). Herod, a jealous king, ruthlessly killed thousands of infant boys in a quest to kill Jesus. It was a fulfillment of God’s prediction in Genesis 3:15 of the cosmic battle between God and Satan, played out in the human race. and yet it was that very baby Jesus, the God-man, who entered this world for the very purpose of defeating the curse, defeating death and evil, and bringing about hope. The hope for mankind is not to go back to a perceived golden era or to embrace progress. Every generation is is cursed. Jesus labeled his generation “a wicked and perverse generation” (Matthew 17:17. Paul labeled his generation, “crooked and perverse” (Philippines 2:15). The only golden era was Eden. The only utopia is the city for which we long, whose “builder and maker is God.” (Hebrews 11:10)

“Is there any hope?” When a gunman randomly and mercilessly robs 20 children of their lives, it’s hard to imagine any hope in the world. We live in perhaps the wealthiest, safest, most prosperous nation on earth and yet this violence and evil penetrate even here. And yet in the gospel story we find hope. Hope not just in that our sins were nailed to Jesus’ cross and that we find peace with God. But we also have hope that Christ defeated death and in the resurrection there will be new life. Life as it should be, as it was meant to me. There is hope in knowing that Christ is coming back one day to restore all things, to fix what we cannot fix and to establish His kingdom forever.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

- Edward Mote

Nov
27
2012

What We Really Should Be Teaching Our Kids

Last Thursday, during the Thanksgiving meal we hosted at our house, my son, Daniel Jr (age 4) had an epic meltdown over a superheros costume. My brother, Tim, was the recipient of much of this. After dealing with Daniel’s tantrum, we both went our way, sharing times with our family members, eating more pie, and watching football. About 30 minutes later, something wonderful happened. My son, Daniel voluntarily walked up to my brother, Tim and said, “Uncle Tim, I’m sorry for my attitude before. Will you forgive me?”

Nobody forced Daniel to do this. He just did it. For me, it was a proud moment as a father. Because it tells me that Daniel is learning one of most important lessons in life: How to apologize when you have wronged someone.

It seems to me that Christian parenting can often be so caught up in behavior modification that we forget to instill in our kids the real and important things they will need to live a healthy spiritual life. The tools for dealing with their own sin. Because, brace yourrself parents, our kids will sin. They will sin today and they will sin for the rest of their lives. Hopefully they will come to faith in Christ and experience His sanctifying work so that they sin less. But as fallen creatures, they will sin.

Sadly, much of our parenting techniques miss this important point. We parent as if we can actually iron out sin, as if we could just stumble onto the right system so that we’ll produce perfect little angels. In doing this, we rob our children of the most important truths they will need to succeed: the reality of the gospel.

You see, it is good that we have rules and laws in our homes. After all the law was originally given by God as an act of grace toward his children. And good parents demonstrate their love for their own children by having laws. Not running in the street is a pretty good law that protects their welfare.

However, if we are only about law and talk and model and enforce nothing of the gospel, we are crippling our children. We are giving them no mechanism for dealing with the inevitability of their own sin. I think much of this is the due to the tragic misapplication of Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go . . . ) which is a proverb of wisdom, not a promise of perfection for kids.

We must, as parents, embed the gospel in our parenting. We must first evangelize them so they come to Jesus in repentance and faith. Then, we must teach them to apply the gospel in their lives: the vital cycle of repentance and forgiveness. In other words, we must teach them to live life as it really is, not as we often wish it would be.

We all know the dangers of a lawless, boundary-less household. But we seldom think about the impact on kids of a childhood that sees no grace. Parenting simply fixated on behavior modification–with  no gospel-based mechanism for dealing with sin, failure, and weakness–has two equally devastating effects. Kids either reject the legalism of the law and live a miserable life with no boundaries or they embrace a lethal mixture of Phariseeism and perfectionism, holding themselves to an impossible standard and thumbing their nose at anyone who doesn’t live up to their standard.In both cases, you have children who are shocked by their ability to sin and have no idea where to go with it.

The point is this. We are not simply training our kids to be good kids. We are modeling for them the relationship God has with us. We’re introducing them to Christ, who is their sin-bearer, the champion has defeated sin and death, and their only way of victory over sin.

A parenting model that focuses only on right behaviors, at the expense of the gospel, is a parenting model that treats every offense as Armageddon, that is horrified and surprised when their little angels commit sin. It’s a parenting model that ruins parents with dangerous introspection (what did I do wrong). It’s a parenting model based on fear, not faith.

But, a parenting model that features a mix of grace and law looks much different. It applies and enforces God’s law in the home, but introduces the concepts of grace, repentance, and sanctification. And what it celebrates is not necessarily little Johnny’s ability to not throw tantrums, but little Johnny’s voluntary expressions of remorse and repentance afterword.

Oct
17
2012

How You Can Best Help Your Church

If you’re a Christian, whether you realize it or not, you are called, by God, to be on mission in the world. This is the essence of the gospel call, that you were not simply saved from death but also saved for a purpose (Ephesians 2:10). That purpose is to make disciples (Matthew 28:16-20). And the way God has called you to make disciples is through the local church, His expression of His body in your community.

So how do you help your disciple-making, evangelistic, Bible-preaching church with its mission? You might think I’m going to say something really cool like: “go to another conference with a well-known speaker” or “read and then pass along to your pastor that best-selling book” or “get your pastor to do this or that new, innovative church ministry model.”

Those are all good efforts. And if you are in a position of influence, please use that to move your church forward. But there is one, very uncool thing you can do to help your church be all that God desires it to be in the community.

Be dependable. If you were to give your pastor a shot of truth serum, he’d probably say his biggest frustration is to find dependable people. Of course he won’t say this publically, because he’s very grateful for the few in his church who are dependable. I think of my own church, Gages Lake Bible, and the band of people who give of their time (mostly volunteer) to make the church function smoothly. They are awesome.

There is a verse, 1 Corinthians 4:2, that I memorized while in Christian grade school. It’s simple: “It is required of stewards that they be found faithful.” In other words, what God is most looking for from His people are not necessarily spectacular gifts, stunning talent, or amazing personality. Those are wonderful traits that can be leveraged for God’s kingdom, to be sure. But what God is mostly looking for is faithfulness.

Faithfulness is really not a sexy term. You don’t see too many big conferences on faithfulness. I’m guessing none of the political candidates are running on a faithfulness platform. And it’s a subject that is not going to wow your Twitter and Facebook followers.

But wow is it valuable in a church, especially most churches that are, like our church, small and limited in resources. One faithful person or a faithful family can really move a church forward.

And by faithfulness I mean:

  • Attending the services and functions whenever possible. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when you’d rather be watching football. Not simply because you may get something out of it, but because your presence says something about what you value. Doesn’t mean you don’t go on vacation (I encourage our families to travel–do it, please do it.) Doesn’t mean you don’t ever get sick. Doesn’t mean you don’t travel for business. But all in all, are you someone who is in church whenever you can be?
  • Signing up for jobs nobody wants, like the nursery. Believe it or not, if you want your church to be a family friendly church, somebody has to volunteer to supervise the children. Even if it’s not “your thing.” I’m pretty sure nursery is not anyone’s thing, really. Neither is setting up for an event, mowing the grass, or other such mundane stuff. But these faithful tasks are what makes a church function. And they are acts of worship and sacrifice that please the Lord.
  • Being on time and being someone that your pastor and the church leadership can count on. There are two kinds of church members, in my view. Those who we all know will be there and those whom we wonder if they will show up. Don’t make your attendance and/or participating in a ministry commitment a game-time decision. Don’t make it depend on your faulty alarm-clock or whether or not you spent Saturday night playing Halo. Be there. Be faithful. Be committed. Be consistent.
  • Committing to a regular pattern of giving. Yes, I know you are tired of hearing this from pastors. Yes, we often ask for money in ham-handed ways. But, there is hardly a better measure of your heart than your wallet. (I didn’t say that, Jesus did.)

Why is faithfulness so important? Because it tells yourself, the world, and your Lord what and whom you value. God loves His Church, His Bride. And he calls us to love Her too. I dare say your faithful participating in a local, gospel-preaching church for a long-lifetime will do more for the Kingdom than that winsome blog post, witty tweet, or Facebook rant.

So, to those who faithfully attend, do nursery, hand out bulletins, volunteer, cook meals, tithe, and other church things, I salute you as Christian heros. To those who are not as faithful, here’s your chance: commit this week to being faithful to the local church where you are called.

Sep
26
2012

Chocolate Faith

 Within the church of the living God, we must become excited about the gospel.  That’s how we pass on our heritage

– D.A. Carson


If you want to impress the woman you love and happening to be traveling through the northwest suburbs of Chicago, my advice to you is to spend a significant amount of time in the quaint village of Long Grove and its famous Confectionary. This niche candy shop is a must-stop for those who live and visit the Midwest. I know because my wife considers chocolate as important as oxygen and I consider my wife as important to me as breathing. Those two factors have kept me visiting and browsing the Confectionary’s many aisles of cocoa creations.

Interestingly, it wasn’t my wife’s longings that first acquainted me with this tiny slice of chocolate heaven. When I was around six years old, my father, a licensed plumber, was contracted to work at the Long Grove Confectionary as part of the team that built and installed the chocolate pipelines. I remember him coming home every day with large boxes filled with “bricks” of chocolate. We had a supply of chocolate in the house that looked like it would last until Lord returned. Or at least until the next church potluck.

Dad regaled us with stories of working at the plant. I found most interesting the intricate work involved in building a complex chocolate-making system. Dad and his crew created the chocolate channels with threaded steel. When they were finished, however, they didn’t flush the system with the usual mix of water and bleach. Instead, they pumped piping hot cocoa through the lines. The highly secretive chocolate recipe was so precisely engineered that any water that hung up in the lines could alter the formula. They would rather waste several batches of chocolate than risk diluting their recipe.

This is a story I think of often when I contemplate the difficult task of passing the gift of faith from my generation to the next. I wonder if we stop long enough to consider the purity of the faith send through the parenting pipeline. Are there any impurities that might dilute or even pollute the Bible’s central message?

What Do We Believe Anyways?

Jay Leno’s “Jaywalking” is one of my guilty entertainment pleasures. It’s interesting to see how people answer seemingly easy questions about life and history and current events. Perhaps it is a way to feel better about myself, because surely I could ace such an easy quiz.

But I wonder what we’d hear if we “Jaywalked” the average person on the street and asked the simple question, “What is Christianity really about?” Perhaps they’d say something like, “Christianity is about being good.” Or “Christianity is a set of moral codes.” Or “Christianity is about politics.”

Some of this can be chalked up to our culture’s warped sense of our faith or perhaps a skewed portrayal of Christians by the media. But I wonder if much of the blame can be laid to rest on the Christian community itself. Perhaps we’ve not been as clear about defining our faith. What is the big story of the Bible?

But even more important than articulating our faith in the broader culture is how we articulate our faith to ourselves, to the generation that now sits at our feet, the children we teach who will one day form the pillars of our culture.

What is it that we are passing down to our children? I wonder if we have cluttered up the gospel’s central message with good, but not ultimate things, such as our methodologies, our systems, our denominations.

And perhaps we don’t even know we’re doing this. I think of the steaming hot mix of chocolate coursing through the steel pipes at the Long Grove Confectionary.

Imagine, for a moment, if the proprietors of this chocolate shop weren’t as rigid in their guarding of the recipe. they pushed bleach and water instead of chocolate through those new pipes? What if they were careless about what they sent on as finished product, thinking, a little water or pipe residue won’t be noticed.What if

I’m guessing that little confectionary would cease to be one of the most visited places in the Chicagoland area. Retailers would probably stop filling their shelves with Long Grove creations. And the chocolate factory would probably close its doors.

Since chocolate is the lifeblood of their business, they guard the formula with critical care. And so it should be with the faith we stream from one generation to another. We have the recipe for life eternal—the gospel message. Jesus was both God and man who came to earth in love, bore the wrath of a holy God, rose from the dead and now offers new life.

It’s a simple message with profound implications. But for some reason, we think we have to clutter it up with good, but not ultimate, things. And we wonder why the next generation tastes what we’re offering and pitches it. We think they’re rejecting the gospel, but it could be that they’re simply rejecting the impurities we’ve attached to it.

Excerpted with permission from Real, Owning Your Christian Faith

Aug
20
2012

5 Things Love Isn’t

Perhaps there is nothing the human heart craves more than true love. We are wired to love and be loved. The problem is that we don’t actually understand what love really is. We get all kinds of definitions from the culture and from our own feelings.

In fact, I think it’s helpful to think a little bit, not about what love is but what love isn’t. So here are five things love isn’t:

1) Love Isn’t Having Someone Fulfill All My Fanciful Dreams  

When we think about the love between a husband and wife, we often think of that “soulmate”, that person who just magically fits into all the areas I need and will make my life better. These expectations, which we carry into marriage, do more to derail relationships than anything else.But this is really humanistic thinking. It views the other person as a benefactor that must meet all of my needs. But God didn’t purpose marriage for my own fulfillment, but as an opportunity for me to a) display His glory b) grow in character and grace by adjusting, sacrificing, and loving another and c) fulfill the mandate by establishing another generation of godly offspring. And here’s a secret of marriage that I’m still figuring out after ten years: my dreams are petty compared to God’s dreams for me. When I hold them loosely and allow God to shape them (by giving me a spouse who bumps up against my desires), I discover a joy and fulfillment I would not have found on my own.

2) Love is Loving the Person I Expect Someone to Be 

This follows closely on the lie of expectations, that I only experience love when someone is everything I expect them to be. A wife gets married, not to a fallen sinner who needs grace, but to an idea of what she thinks this man might be to her. He’s the composite of all the princess movies, romance novels, and stored up dreams. But after the honeymoon is over, she meets another man, the sloppy guy who leaves his underwear on the floor, stays up too late playing video games, and sometimes buys boats without asking her. A husband gets married to a perfectly shaped beautiful goddess, whose every word is inspiring and motivates him to greater heights, who will satisfy his basic needs in every way. Then he gets home from the honeymoon and finds another woman in his home. This girl has occasional mood swings, yells at him for the smallest things like leaving his underwear on the floor, and she often burns the meatloaf. So then the husband and the wife have a choice. They can manipulate their mates into being what they need them to be, spark a lot of useless arguments and friction, and ultimately choose divorce. Or, they can confess their idolatry, realize their own brokeness, and recognize that love is about loving all the parts of those we are supposed to love, even the areas we really don’t like. It’s loving on those days when you don’t want to and loving the person you see before you, not the person who wish or hope they can be.

3) Love is always saying nice, but meaningless things, to each other. 

Love is action as we’ve said. Love is a committment. Which means sometimes we must speak the truth in love. This is not to be confused with tearing down, hurting, destroying someone’s soul for the sake of our own selfish gratification (see 1 and 2 above). This is the love that has the courage to tell someone when they are seriously going down a wrong path. The is the kind of love Jesus demonstrated with his disciples, when he repeatedly corrected their wrong ideas. We have this idea of love that it overlooks sin and that just sort of winks at poor life choices. Ahh, but love is not this way. If you truly love someone, especially someone you are married to your called to care for, you will gently, in the right timing, powered by the Spirit of God, communicate the loving truth. And you will receive correction as an act of love from another. In marriage this means you sometimes hear the hard, but true words of a spouse and take them as God’s loving act of discipline on your soul, shaping you into the character of Christ. I will tell you that this is never my first response to rebuke from Angela. But it should be. And often later the Spirit whispers to my soul, “You know, she’s right and if she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t have said what she said.” Then I have to go back to her and say, “I’m sorry. You’re right. Forgive me. I’ll work on that.” I have to say that after ten years, the person I credit with most of my spiritual growth is my wife. Marriage can and should be a discipleship relationship, provided both are committed to following Christ. As one of my favorite authors, Gary Thomas, says ,”God’s desire in marriage isn’t to make us happy, but to make us holy.”

4) Love Isn’t Conditional On Good Times

Bad times actually test your love, especially in marriage. They reveal our hidden idols. So, for instance, when money gets tight, this is usually a trigger for an epic argument. It’s easy to blame the other person. If she didn’t spend all that money on shoes, we’d be able to pay the electric bill. or If he had a better-paying job, we wouldn’t be in this mess. or If only he’d step up and do the budget, it wouldn’t be so hard on me. or, If she would just be happy with what we have. Or perhaps its trouble with a child. Again, we blame: If he’d get off the iPhone and pay attention, our kid wouldn’t act out so much. or If she’d just loosen up, maybe the kid would respond better. or, If he’d get home at a decent hour. or If she’d stop worrying so much about the house. 

You see what happens. Hard times bring all of our hidden anxieties and insecurities to the surface. The idolatry of financial security. To be financially secure is a good and worthy and biblical goal. But hard times come and threaten that. So if financial security is your idol, when it’s ripped away, you’ll kick and scream and do damage to your relationship. The idolatry of a well-adjusted family. Again, well-behaving kids in a safe, harmonious house is a good and worthy and biblical goal. But it’s a poor idol. And when this is ripped away for a season, if this is the altar at which we worship, we’ll kick, scream, and do damage to our relationships.

The point of all this is this: we think love would flourish if only our circumstances were better. If we had a bit more money, if the kids wouldn’t misbehave so much. But the truth is that real love, lasting, deep, abiding love grows during times of duress. But this only happens if you put Christ at your center and give up on the small, petty dreams and realize God is active in the midst of your hardship, to bring about His glory. Trials can be a catalyst for deeper marital love. They have for Angela and I. We wouldn’t want to repeat any of the terrible things we’ve faced, but we can both look back and say this cemented our love and commitment to each other.

 5) Love Isn’t Found Elsewhere

When you’re in a bad season of marriage, brought on by strife, difficulty, tragedy, it’s temping to think you’d be happier elsewhere. But real love is only found in renewing your commitment to each other in marriage. Love says, “I’m here for the duration. I’m committed. I’m going no where else.” Love is actually living out what we stood and said on our wedding day: “In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, as long as we both shall live.” Love is not saying, “As long as he has a job. As long as we have a house. As long as she our kids our healthy. As long as she doesn’t get sick.”

And here’s the secret: when you are absolutely, 100% committed to each other, it makes it easier to work out your differences. Why? Because you’re forced to. You’ve got no other option. And so each of you must give, bend, sacrifice. You must commit to grow, change, and serve. Now, to be clear: your willpower and commitment to stay alone won’t give you a great marriage. You need gospel of Christ which initiates the cycle of confession, repentance, and forgiveness. But I would argue that the gospel is the very catalyst that keeps you committed, because you realize you are in marriage for way more than your own expectations and self-fulfillment.

Jul
10
2012

Asking the Wrong Question in Salvation

“So you mean I can do whatever I want and still be a Christian?” I’ve been asked that question numerous times when sharing the gospel. It’s a hard question to answer and mostly, up until recently, I would answer with a “Yes, but.” sort of vague statement. Yes, technically, grace covers all of your sins, post salvation. But you shouldn’t think this way because you should live for Jesus out of appreciation for what He did for you.

But I’m finding that’s a terrible response to an even more terrible question. And I think rather than answering someone’s question of “Can I do what I want and still be a Christian?,” we should tell them that the question they are asking belies something more troubling in their heart. Because if a seeking person needs this question answered before he will put his faith in Christ, then it reveals how fraudulent that faith might be.

You can look all through the New Testament and never once find this question either asked or answered. Yes, the gospel is free. There are no works involved in salvation. And yet, the gospel is never framed as “Come to Jesus and you can keep sinning.” When Jesus evangelized Nicodemus in John 3, he spoke of regeneration, that once Nicodemus had acknowledged his sinfulness and need for a Savior, something would happen inside. He’d be regenerated. He would change.

Acceptance of the gospel requires humility. We’re told often in Scripture that God “resists the proud” but “gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6; Proverbs 3:34; 1 Peter 5:5). Why? Because only a humbled and desperate person will see their utter depravity, their inability to save themselves, and their need for mercy. Pride says, “I’m not really all that bad. I kind of like the sinful life I’m living. But if I can get into Heaven for free and keep sinning, I’ll take that deal.” That’s not saving faith. That’s negotiating with God. Salvation is not negotiation. Salvation is an offer, given by God, freely. It was purchased at high cost because your sin and my sin are an aggregious offense to a holy God.

The question you ask when confronted with the gospel reveals the true nature of your heart. Asking “Can I live as I please and still go to Heaven?” reveals pride and an unwillingness to bow. It’s the posture of a negotiator. But, the question asked by the Phillippian jailer to Paul and Silas reveals a posture of humility, “What must I do to be saved?” He’s desperate. He’s helpless. He knows He needs a supernatural, divine intervention to rescue him from his life of sin.

We must be careful when articulating the gospel. The gospel is free. Jesus did it all. You do nothing to earn it. You simply believe that Jesus Christ is enough to pay the penalty for your sin. But to come to this place, you must actually believe that your sin is bad, is tragic, is something not worth hanging on to, but something you want Jesus to rescue you from. Every single place you find the gospel articulated in the New Testament, you see given not only the free offer, but also what the gospel calls you to. Jesus wants you to come as you are, yes, but He has rescued you so you don’t have to stay the way you are.

That is why the questions we ask are important. They are vital. And those of us tasked with sharing this beautiful message of salvation in Christ must not give people what they want to hear from the gospel, but we must give them what they need: Jesus.