Archive for the ‘FAITH Series’ Category

Oct
17
2011

Ravioli Parenting

As a kid, I loved eating ravioli and as an adult I still like eating it. It’s one of my favorite meals. But as a Dad, ravioli has become my enemy. Why? Because it may be the single messiest meal for kids. You are pretty much guaranteed that if you give your sweet little infant a bowl of ravioli, they will end up with an epic sauce and noodle disaster.

So I hate ravioli. My wife, however, doesn’t seem to be so bothered by it. Every once in a while she will say to me, “Dan, should we have ravioli for dinner tonight?” I always look at her funny when she says this, as if she said, “Hey, how about we go ahead and sign ourselves up for an extra hour of dinner cleanup? Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Angela and I often see things like ravioli differently. I choose the path of least resistance. She isnt’ bothered by the potential disaster that is ravioli. I thought of this as I consider the job of parenting. I wonder if the avoid-ravioli approach is our default approach with our kids. We choose the path of least resistance.

Our tendency as parents is to shelter our children. We want to create a safe environment so they don’t mess anything up, so they don’t get hurt. So we work hard to keep all negative influences out of their lives. We avoid the ravioli.

Most of the time this is good, because we as parents should guard our children, we should watch over them, we should filter their influences. But that is not our only job. It is also our task to train them up to live out their faith in a sin-soaked world. I wonder if we often keep our kids from any hint of risk or danger at their detriment. We keep the ravioli from them because we dont’ want to do the hard work of cleaning it up. We fear the influences with our teens, so we so shelter them from any friends at all. We don’t like the youth leader’s music or movie styles so we keep them from youth group. We worry about the media, so we keep any and all media from their consumption.

The problem with this approach is that our children can grow up without being equipped to live in this world and bring light to darkness. I’m not saying we should have no rules or standards. Each home draws the lines a bit differently.

However, I think part of our desire to hang on tight to our children is that we don’t want to see them ever experience hurt. We don’t want them to live with any consequences of risk. In doing so, we rob them of the lessons learned in brokenness. And by choosing the path of least resistance, in sparing ourselves from having to deal with the fallout of their choices, we think tightening things up, hanging on, sheltering will help them avoid the pitfalls of life.

But sometimes our kids need to eat ravioli, to get it all up in their hair and all over the high-chair and on the floor. They need to make a royal mess of themselves, so they can see their own brokenness, their own need for a Savior, and can learn the lesson of failure.

Jun
18
2011

Do This For Dad on Father’s Day

Okay, so this Sunday is Father’s Day. We all know that Father’s Day arrives with much less fanfare than Mother’s Day. At church we usually hear a message citing statistics of how terrible fathers in the world are today or we hear a good inspirational message on fathering (my preference). At home, guys are just happy to get a chance to relax, watch a little ESPN, and eat their favorite meal. And of course we work hard to honor our Dads this Father’s Day.

As a young father of three (and one on the way), I thought I’d write a post of what you can do for the fathers in your life, especially the young dads.  Most fathers really want to be good dads. But deep down they lack confidence. Our culture hasn’t really lifted up the biblical view of  manhood. You turn on sitcoms and you typically see dads as punching bags, either sexually aggressive or hopelessly passive. And so many guys live up (or down) to that.

Sadly, many wives contribute to this by ragging on their husbands as if they are that sitcom guy. But if you want your man to be Good Dad and not Sitcom Dad, then here is one thing you can do. You can believe in him. You can affirm his leadership. You can treat him like a hero in his own home. This is not to say you enable his addictions, feed his adolescent tendencies, or treat him as an untouchable king. If he’s an angry dictator, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, at times, stand up to him. If he’s passive, it doesn’t mean you should plead with him to be more involved.

But here’s what it means to believe in your husband who is also the father of your children. It means you push him “up” rather than discouraging him “down.” You do this by talking positively about him to your friends. You do this by telling him you believe he can be the man God wants him to be. You do this by supporting him in front of your children so that your children honor him. You do this by gently encouraging him to read the Word, to pray, and to attend church. You’d be surprised what this will do to a man. A man will do just about anything for a woman who has his back.

This is why the Bible says for wives to “reverence” or “respect” their husbands. Because God wired a man in such a way that he needs respect, just as women need love to feed their souls.

Oh, and let the guy watch ESPN instead of the Hallmark Channel on Father’s Day. He’ll really like that.

Jun
17
2011

Father’s Day Song

As I think about Father’s Day and my roles as a father of three (with one on the way), this song by Phillips, Craig, and Dean reminds me of the awesome responsibility. I enjoy it:

 

May
29
2011

Maybe It Does Take a Village

Vanessa Van Patten of the popular parenting blog, Radical Parenting, is featuring a guest post of mine, entitled, “Was Hillary Right?” I’m discussing the growing movement in churches to affirm a “village” approach to raising the next generation, where parents assume primary responsibility but lean in on churches and other institutions to fill in the gaps. Here’s an excerpt:

When it comes to parenting, the evangelical pendulum has always swung from one extreme to the other.  On one side is the casual parenting philosophy, where Mom and Dad outsource character development and spiritual training to the church and to the educational establishment. But this approach has largely been proven a failure. Studies show that it is direct parental involvement that most impacts the faith legacy of children. An hour of Sunday school a week, a few weeks at summer camp, and Vacation Bible school are no match for the gusher of questionable worldviews that stream into a child’s life from the media, public education, and peers. With a casual approach, faith can easily be lost a single generation.

The reality of a parent’s importance has led some to swing to another, equally ineffective position, family individualism. Well-meaning parents, wary of the corrosive influences in the culture, seek to isolate their children, protecting them from harm. Not only does this approach leave children unable to answer their own personal doubts, it ill prepares them for the probing questions of an increasingly postmodern generation. Furthermore, when parents withdraw from institutions like the church, they miss out on life-affirming mentors and coaches who may fill in emotional and spiritual gaps.

Today, there is a rising movement that takes a “village” approach to parenting, involving the parents, the church, and other societal institutions as partners. Under this paradigm, parents still accept chief parenting responsibility but they are unafraid to lean in on the church, trusted mentors, and civic institutions.

You can head on over to Radical Parenting and read the rest of the post here.

May
26
2011

Special Offer from Covenant Eyes

A few months ago I signed up for Covenant Eyes, what I consider the best Internet filtering system available. I signed up for three reasons:

  1. I love my marriage enough to protect it. I love my family enough to protect them. I love my church enough to protect what God has given me in them.
  2. I don’t trust myself online. I do most of my work on a laptop and a lot of work researching, reading, writing, etc online. And while I honestly don’t have a problem with pornography, I don’t ever want to have one. And I don’t trust the weakness of my sinful flesh.
  3. I, like most men, need accountability. I recently heard a sermon by Matt Chandler where he said, “What’s in the dark grows.” Covenant Eyes gives me that accountability online. A report of all my online activity is monitored by a friend of mine who is willing to confront me if something looks fishy.

I also use Covenant Eyes because I don’t want my young children stumbling onto something inappropriate. So why Covenant Eyes in particular? Well, I like it for a few reasons. First, the accountability piece I just mentioned. Secondly, it has great features that allow you to set levels for each Internet user (our kids are younger so this isn’t really an issue, but will be great when they are mature enough to use the Internet). Third, you can set time limits on Internet usage.

There are a whole range of other offers that are terrific. I’ve gotten to know and admire the wonderful folks from CE pretty well. And they have given readers of this blog a special discount. If you click on this link (or their logo on the right hand side of this blog), you can sign up for only $8.99 and get the first month free.

I highly recommend Covenant Eyes. It’s a flexible, innovative, and inexpensive way to protect your family online. Here are a few instructional videos:

Aug
27
2010

H is for Hope – FAITH Series

If there is one vital ingredient the Christian culture fails to instill in kids, it is hope. You don’t have to look very far to see that we live in a world devoid of hope. From the violent streets in our urban centers, to the staggering number of children abandoned and orphaned, to the increasing number of at-risk behaviors among young people—the hopelessness quotient is spiraling out of control.

But as parents, equipped by the truth of God’s Word, we can reverse the tide by instilling solid, truth-based hope in our children.

I think Christian parents are often so focused on righting wrong behaviors, discipline and teaching, that we forget to give our kids a healthy dose of confidence, so they can face the world without fear. Sadly, there are many kids who grew up in good Christian homes, who look around and have no hope.

I believe the most important thing a parent can do for their children is to believe in them. Not in an irrational, flattering sort of way, but to cheer them on in a way that lifts them up, that challenges them to reach newer and bigger heights.

Part of hope-building involves intentional identification of their God given gifts and talents, helping to polish those tools toward their God-given purpose. Kids need and want guidance.

As influencers, parents have a unique opportunity to study their children, find their strengths, and steer them toward the best opportunities for success.

Quite often I will talk to young people and I ask them, “What do you think you will be or do when you grow up?” Invariably I get some version of the expected Christian answer, “Serve the Lord” or “Do God’s Will.”

And that sounds great. In fact, that gives me a sense that a child is fully surrendered to God’s will. But it doesn’t go far enough. It makes it seem as if a child’s purpose and calling are somehow shrouded in mystery. Only Indiana Jones can find the real “center” of “God’s perfect will.”

This is where the Christian community really needs to step up. Parents, pastors, youth pastors, teachers, Grandparents, and any other influencers. You are needed to help shape young people and steer them toward their purpose.

Notice I didn’t say your purpose for them. I said “their purpose.” Every single child, who has been redeemed by the Gospel, has been restored to their original, God-given purpose.

God’s will isn’t for young people to spend their lives navel-gazing, hoping and praying God’s will smacks them on the head. No, each has a specific calling by God.

How do they find that calling? Well, its not as hard as we make it. And its up to parents to help kids make decisions based on their God-given gifts, their skill sets, their life experiences, their opportunities, and their personalities. All of those form the unique package that is them.

Guess what happens when you start to help a child identify his calling? It gives them a sense of hope. They need grown-ups to communicate their belief in them.

This is part five of a five part series of devos featured by Mark Elfstrand of The Morning Ride on WMBI 90.1 FM Chicago

I will never forget the teacher in High School who told me that I should pursue writing. Her words have helped to carry me to this day.

So parents, in your quest to instill faith, accountability, integrity, and truth in your kids, don’t forget the final ingredient. Don’t leave hope behind.

Aug
26
2010

T is for Truth – FAITH Series

You don’t have to be a cultural expert to know that we’re living in a post-modern era, where truth is relative and everyone’s beliefs hold equal merit.

So the question for parents is how do we equip our children to be difference-makers in a world of shifting values?

The answer is one word. Truth.

Jesus said “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). There is a freedom in knowing the truth. And by truth, we don’t mean a static set of beliefs, but truth as embodied in a Person. In John 14:6, Jesus actually claims to be truth personified.

And so our child-training efforts must have a singular goal in mind: pointing our kids to the truth of who Jesus is and who they are in Him.

This is not a passive job. It’s not something that happens by osmosis. Nobody will teach our children the truth if we, as parents, do not. The culture certainly won’t instill truth. The public education system won’t instill truth. And their friends, largely, won’t have the wisdom and sense to teach our children the truth.

So this enormous responsibility is up to us, the parents. The question is this. Are we, as parents, doing a good job? If you believe the latest polling data, the answer is a definitive no.

Why is that? Well, perhaps our paradigm is wrong. For decades now, parents have largely outsourced their spiritual education to the church. Sunday School, youth group, Awana clubs, Vacation Bible School, and summer camps.

Those are all vital and necessary ministries. But they don’t replace the daily, consistent influence of parents. In fact, the Bible speaks in great detail about a parent’s job to pass the torch of faith from generation to generation. “Teach your children, and your children’s children,” is an oft-repeated line in the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 4:8-9).

In the New Testament, we see the example of Timothy, who Paul says was intentionally trained by his mother and grandmother. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5, we read of the “sincere faith” passed down from grandmother to mother to son.

This was a sincere faith. What we want to pass to our children is a simple, humble dependence upon God, a knowledge of who God is, an understanding of the Scriptures.

Too often, however, we pass down rules, systems, and methodologies that grow old with generations and have no spiritual impact in and of themselves. We must instead allow the Holy Spirit use our humble teaching of the Word to grow the see we’ve planted in each child’s heart.

The next generations’ expressions of faith, both in music and style may look different than ours. But that’s okay. Because our primary responsibility is to connect them with God and allow the Holy Spirit to do the rest of the work.

This is part four of a five part series of devos featured by Mark Elfstrand on The Morning Ride on WBMI 90.1 FM Chicago

Why is it so important to instill truth in our children? Because they will grow up in an increasingly ungodly world, where their character and values and foundations will be assaulted.

But if they know the truth, that is if they know Jesus, He will use what we’ve poured into their lives to enable them to be difference-makers in their generation.

For the complete audio of this message, click here.

Aug
25
2010

I is for Integrity – FAITH Series

This is part three of a five part series of devos featured by Mark Elfstrand on The Morning Ride on WMBI 90.1 FM Chicago

Henry Clay said, “Of all the properties which belong to honorable men, not one is so highly prized as that of character.”

If there is one virtue we want to see embodied in the next generation, it is integrity. Why? Because integrity, like a rock, will endure in the good times and the bad.

Today, as we see our world come apart at the seems, many Christians want to blame the media, the politicians, or Hollywood. But all of those entities are just reflections of us, the people. And if there is on deficit worth sweating over, its not the federal deficit, but the character deficit.

William R. Allen said, “Certainly it is a world of scarcity. But the scarcity is not confined to iron ore and arable land. The most constricting scarcities are those of character and personality.”

So what do parents do? We can complain about the lack of integrity in our society or we can do something. We may not be able to control the media, the politicians, or Hollywood, but we can have influence on how the children entrusted to our care live their lives.

Integrity begins at home. In Ephesians 6, Paul gives father’s a challenge. He says that Dads can either frustrate their children or raise them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

In today’s language we might say that a father can make a mark or leave a scar. And nowhere is a father’s influence greater than in the way he carries himself every single day.

Children want to see authenticity in their parents. Not perfection. Not legalism. But authentic character that resists the temptation to compromise. It has been said that kids hear what you tell them, but they internalize what you show them.

And let’s be clear, by integrity we don’t mean Phariseeism, more man-made rules. We don’t mean arrogance that boasts of self-righteousness. In fact, the hypocrisy of living by lists often leads children to reject the faith of their parents, because they see the holes in a works-based relationship with God.

Integrity is something different. We’re talking about Christian character, like humility, sacrifice, honesty, loyalty, and faith. The old fashioned virtues so absent in our society.

So how does a parent instill these values in their children? Besides modeling integrity, parents must be intentional about teaching integrity in the everyday. Use real-world examples from the playground, the classroom, and the living room. Conflicts with friends, neighbors and siblings provide rich opportunities to train children to do the right thing, every single time.

The important thing is to pepper correction and instruction with Scripture, so the children understand that the rules are not Mom and Dad’s rules, but are based in something higher. It will teach them to be accountable to God, so when they leave home, they will remember to Whom they answer.

Most important, remember that children have eyes that see everything, even those things we think we’ve carefully hidden. Our own dishonesties or shortcuts don’t escape their notice. Which means we actually have to live the life we want them to live.

But remember, the sacrifice is worth it. Because in passing down the values of character and integrity, you’re giving your children a gift.

For the complete audio message, click here.